This may be the first and last time I appear on my own blog. But I wanted to avoid falling into the common trap of being the professional photographer who never has any photos to look back on of herself, just of everyone around her. And I need to get all these thoughts down somehow, so what better place to do it.
In these last few days of my pregnancy I’m doing a lot of thinking, worrying, planning, doubting, waiting, crying, laughing, and mostly reflecting. I’m sure this is common for first time parents, but I was an emotional person before I got pregnant….so with all these extra hormones, it’s out of control.
However, I also know that I’ve never before felt so relaxed, confident, and comfortable in my own skin. (which is surprising considering the strain this skin is under these days!) It’s something you can never possibly comprehend until you go through it, I was totally caught off guard. If pregnancy has affected me this much, I can’t even begin to imagine what being a parent is going to do to me.
It hasn’t been an easy pregnancy, but for some reason I’m having a lot of trouble coming to terms with letting go of it. Am I really going to miss the sore hips, the heartburn, the dizzy spells, the fatigue? I think in a sick way I might. I’ve never before felt so much purpose in life. I’m accomplishing something even when I’m just sitting on the couch watching TV. To think that just underneath my skin is a little life growing and getting stronger every day. (And hopefully developing excellent taste in music, thanks to the ipod headphones in my waistband). I know the baby that will soon be breathing, eating, and crying is in there, but it’s still so hard to believe. Of course I’m thrilled to soon have a baby to hold in my arms, rather than one that’s kicking my ribs and compressing my lungs, but this a closeness and comfort that I’ve grown rather fond of.
Last week David and I took a little stroll in our new neighbourhood to get a few shots of me before it all becomes a distant memory.
This shot is by no means a work of art, but I found it very fitting that at such a pivotal time in my life, nature is mirroring my own body art. I got this tattoo of cherry blossoms with green leaves to represent appreciating the moments in life that are so fleeting. The period of time when these trees have both lush blossoms and green leaves is gone in the blink of an eye.
what i know:
- it’s a girl (so we’re told).
- she will be very stylish, thanks to my apparent addiction to buying very tiny Mary Tyler Moore clothing.
- she refuses to turn around, so will be removed from her comfortable little nest either tomorrow or on the 30th.
- she will be loved.
- is not so scary anymore.